"It's time to break out the Jesus and Mary Chain!"

I placed my tongue between my teeth, so I wouldn't grind them into powdered enamel.
The voice on the radio sounded like a high-pitched vacuum cleaner.
Apparently, the voice was attempting to sing "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth."
That was the scene this morning, driving home from Thanksgiving in the Des Moines area.
Jill was listening to an all-Christmas-music radio station when the cheesy, sound-effects-laden "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" began blaring from the speakers.
This "song" was beyond ghastly. It featured a lispy child -- or worse, an adult attempting to sound like a lispy child -- warbling its way through "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth."
If I had never heard music before, and that had been the first "song" I heard, I would fill my ears with cement.
Jill acknowledged the wretchedness of that particular tune and asked if I wanted to leap out of the moving truck.
Well, yes.
However, I did owe the newspaper another eight hours of my time (and two stories to write), so instead of fleeing a moving vehicle at 70 mph, I decided that when I got in the other car to drive to work, I would ABSOLUTELY BLARE the album "PSYCHOCANDY" by the JESUS AND MARY CHAIN.
Now, some will say that the feedback-drenched "Psychocandy" would not be much of an improvement over the queasy version of "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth."
Those who say that are so wrong.
"Psychocandy" is a one-of-a-kind collaboration between both the NOISIEST SQUALL you have ever heard and the CATCHIEST MUSIC you have ever heard.
It helps clear the memories of nails-on-the-chalkboard songs such as the lispy, dreadful "All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth," as well.
That makes it a sure-fire classic in my book.