I now pronounce you: Friday Question

Aren't you excited?!
It is almost wedding season again!
Scramble to find a photographer who shoots nuptials because that calendar business never took off like he planned... shell out an eye-popping amount of money for food you could get at any lunch hour at a third-rate downtown cafe... and did I mention bidding for a reception hall as if it were your first house?
Ah well, at least you can get the music right. Just tell the tone-deaf DJ you have hired to avoid the answers to the following Friday Question...
"I never want to hear __________ at a wedding reception again because _______________."
Laura C. -- "Shout." I've been alive long enough to trace its arc from irreverently funny to mildly nostalgic to stale and dated. Used to be, the older folks sat on the sidelines, mildly scandalized, as the young 'uns at the wedding crouched lower and lower, sang softer and softer, and inevitably some drunken buffoon did the worm. Now, the kids look on, absolutely mortified, as their parents clutch desperately (awkwardly, arthritically) at the last vestiges of their swiftly atrophying youth. Kinda puts me off my cake, ya know?
Ken B. -- "Mony Mony." It is strange to hear grandmas yell: "Get laid! Get F**cked!"
Clete C. -- "The Macarena." I never want to see Aunt Edith attempt any kind of dance again.
Rick T. -- "The Chicken Dance." If you could only SEE yourself, you wouldn't do it.
Inger H. -- "U Can't Touch This." An upstairs neighbor of mine used it in a strikingly successful, aural torture campaign in the early 90s.
Mary N-P. -- Loud vomiting. It is sooooooo tacky (and stains shoes).
Shannon H. -- "I Knew the Bride When She Used to Rock and Roll." Really, what they're singing is "I knew the bride when she used to be a whore." OK. Not literally, but we all know that's what the singer is thinking.
Scout S. -- Actually, I can't fill in this blank. I mean, the obvious answer is the Kool & The Gang song, which shan't be named. Even mentioning it vaguely like this has gotten it stuck in my head. For that, I hate you.
Dave B. -- "I Knew the Bride When She Used to Rock and Roll." Then I know that I am in Dubuque County.
Ellen B. -- "Mony Mony." It's just a stupid song.
Angie A. -- "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" and "Mickey." They are so annoying! It's bad enough when you hear these songs at a reception, since most people only go to immediate family receptions; however, when your boyfriend has a DJ service and does many, many receptions, it just gets too old.
Gary D. -- "Old Time Rock and Roll" or "I Knew the Bride When She Used to Rock and Roll." Those songs just aren't very interesting or well done. Why make everyone suffer through them?
Jill H. -- "Locomotion," "I Knew the Bride When She Used to Rock and Roll," "The Hokey Pokey" and "The Chicken Dance." The reason why? Isn't it obvious?
Ann M. -- "The Hokey Pokey" or "The Chicken Dance." I just don't like to hear them at weddings. They are just stupid.
Mike D. -- "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling." The groom and groomsmen always serenade the bride with it as if it's the first time it's ever been done and the guests are supposed to be amused. It might have been funny right after "Top Gun" came out in the late 80s, but now it's so passe. Give it up! And don't nobody knock "The Chicken Dance!" That's good dancin' music where I come from!
Diane H. -- "Old Time Rock and Roll." Is there anything worse than tipsy, middle-aged white people grooving to Bob Seger and thinking they're really, really rocking out? Plus, mid-tempo songs like this just encourage bad dancing.
Emily S. -- "Angel" by Shaggy. The song is absolutely horrible, but that's what happens when you let your adolescent cousins take over the DJ's music requests when all the adults get too plastered. It was during the "dollar dance," no less, another terrible wedding tradition.
Amy G. -- Just put those old records back on the shelf. I don't want to listen to them by myself or with a group. Or on a house or with a mouse. I do like Bob Seger, man. I do like him, Sam am I.
Steve M. -- "Proud Mary." It's a good song, but a bit trite for the occasion.
Erik H. (me!) -- "(I've Had) The Time of My Life." I suppose this Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes song from "Dirty Dancing" is OK if played during a parents' dance. If this song is played during a father-daughter dance, however, I find it vaguely creepy -- unsettling. Call the child welfare authorities. If this song is played for the bride and groom, I consider it just plain sad. Does this mean the wedding is the high point of their lives together? Then they are in for a very long and tedious (or acrimoniously abbreviated) life together.
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